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Whatever My Heart Allows

by Jake Manzi

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    Ships to you shrink-wrapped unless you request a signature. Artwork by Jake Lerman, photo by Olivia Barkett.

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1.
One To 06:07
I was never one to say goodbye Didn’t learn to leave in style The room would clear but I’d stay there Waiting too long, they’re all gone I always waited too long The music’s dead, there’s nothing left But taxicabs and cigarettes A broken bottle on the lawn It could only stay together so long I think we should be moving on We were standing in the falling rain When I heard somebody call out your name I wished you’d turn and run away I promised you that you shouldn’t stay See, you’re like an angel on my chest But I’m just moving too fast In my dreams I’m always leaving home You'll wake up one day I'll be gone Yeah, I’ve got to be going Yeah and really you You shouldn’t stand here waiting I’d never want to keep you At my beck and call And you should get home Find a seat that ain’t taken Find a man who ain’t breaking And let him take you home ‘Cause I was never the one to I was never the one to Yeah you need someone To keep you strong Yeah you need someone To keep you from harm Yeah you need someone Someone to protect you Yeah you need someone To build a place you belong And I’m not the one to I’m not the one to I’m not the one to I’m not the one to
2.
I’d love to see What you see when you wake up Are the trees green And not choking under snow that don’t let up? And do you love me still? For reasons I’ll never know I wish your hopefulness got a hold of me Before we let go Do you sometimes at night Go riding out looking for something more? I do all the time I drive on and take her to the floor And over the rise There’s a light that shines and glows I wish we took one more ride Before we let go I’ll just try to sing A song that will bring you back around And if I sit here and scream Is there any way that you might hear the sound? Of my voice in the dark Calling you back home I think your hopefulness got a hold of me Before we let go Before we let go Before we let go
3.
Push me right up against the wall Don’t let me say anything at all ‘Cause when I take time to think I can’t tell how I feel People I meet, they make me so tired And I know I’m here but it’s like I’m hardly alive So when I turn to you please don’t turn away Though I’m still not sure if I can even stay But go on and turn the light right out I’ll give all the love I’m allowed Whatever my heart allows Every time I didn’t let you in It was just my heart saying “here we go again” But I know now, I know I wasn’t right ‘Cause I look at you and I’ve never seen so much light So go on and turn the light right out I’ll give you all the love I’m allowed Whatever my heart allows Whatever my heart allows Whatever my heart allows So turn the light right out, go on And we’ll find all the love we’ll allow
4.
Bad In You 04:05
Let me know if I’m letting you down Lose the feelings that are keeping you down If you can’t tell me what your pain’s about Therein lies the doubt You come home big when you feel small Sometimes I wish you wouldn’t come home at all ‘Cause you’ll just light another and walk away Save tomorrow for another day Ooh, you know it scares me too Ooh, that I only see the bad in you Each day is darker than the last There’s nothing inside you that I can see past But really I just can’t stand myself And I’ll take it out on anyone else Ooh, God knows it scares me too Ooh, that I only see the bad in you Yeah I only see the bad in you Yeah I only see the bad in you Ooh ooh ooh Yeah I only see the bad in you Do I only see the bad in you? Yeah there ain’t even bad in you
5.
Don’t sit down Get back outside we ain’t done working Hit the ground They’re flying over now don’t start running It’s a fire Holy water couldn’t stop it burning You must go now Get back home I’ll close it down Our garden’s burning up And I never said enough I found you lying on the floor You can’t hear me anymore So lay down Beneath the smoke we’ll build a house It’s so loud But you stay quiet I’ll poke my head out There’s only shadows Of a thousand angels that ain’t done falling We’ve been found All our sins water couldn’t wash out I found you lying on the floor Dreaming of citadels where I can’t knock down the front door I never said these words before You can’t hear me anymore
6.
I still feel it You cut me to my bones More times than anyone I’ve known And it feels like I’m out in the great unknown How could you leave me alone? ‘Cause girl you make me feel just like a boy Chasing you around like I’m your toy Well I’m only here for so long And I can wait but how long? How long this time? How long, How long this time? Well it’s funny Funny, I thought you said That we’re all gonna wind up dead But still I wanna know Where I fit in And I ain’t knocking your door down again ‘Cause if I make that drive tonight It’d be another thing that I didn’t do right Well we’re only here for so long And I can wait but how long? How long this time? How long, How long this time? Yes, and I can wait but how long? How long this time?
7.
Let Her Sway 05:57
Heavy drinker, light sleeper Ain't done a thing today Drifted farther, cursed to wander on Heart screamer, you seen her Throwing her time away Behind the counter, counting hours Same as yesterday Turn the light From dark to bright Dancing, I’ll let her sway I’m gonna find you, remind you That I'm right behind you Things don't get any clearer down here I’m still sitting, pulling tangles from my hair Drinking so I can tell you what you mean to me You turn my light From dark to bright Dancing, I’ll let her sway When she’s dancing When she’s dancing When she’s dancing When she’s dancing I’ll let her sway I’ll let her sway When she’s dancing When she’s dancing
8.
Tonight I wanna keep you And we can worry later on ‘Cause deep in my arms You'll either find right or wrong And I wouldn't mind Hanging around for days Just waiting on your lights to change There's no need to put your dress on I'll take you the way you lay And if you need some time to get him off your mind I'll give all mine away And oh baby I Won't treat you like he did ‘Cause oh honey I I know you ain't a kid Oh, I can't give you a lot But oh, I'll love you with all I got So just give me a little bit of your time It don't have to be today Don't get scared if the light don't shine ‘Cause darling there'll be brighter days Oh, you know I can't make it alone ‘Cause when you're not with me No place is home
9.
The sun is coming out again But oh God, I wish it would rain So I could see how I feel about you When there's a little grey And every time it rains I lay under my bed And hold my breath ‘til I turn blue But every time you smile I wanna look at you When the sun shines You're on my mind I’ll try to keep you there when it's raining And when my days end When there's no light to hide behind I had my doubts this plane would leave the ground And once again I let you down And the sky is still blue up above But it’s not what I’m thinking of When the sun shines You're on my mind I'll try to keep you there when it's raining And when my days end When there's no light to hide behind When there's no light to hide behind When there's no light to hide behind
10.
Break 05:28
So you carry less than me Where have you left it all? Soon in one home we’ll see What’ll live inside these walls The lovers we’ve held past All slipped from some tight grasp And it’s so easy now To forget how it all came down You hold on to waves that have broke They’ve crashed but keep you afloat If the water comes up you’ll choke So I hope they break I hope they break I hope they all break Before we leave here today Could an ocean hold you forever? And could a man even stand that test of time? Will borrowed and blue look better? And how much of you will I find? I’ve held on to waves that have rolled The water was deep, it was cold I reached out for your hand to hold And I hoped they’d break I hoped they’d break I hoped they’d all break I hoped they’d break I hoped they’d break I hoped they’d break I hoped they’d all break Before we leave here today

credits

released May 7, 2021

Produced by Caleb Rosazza and Jake Manzi

Engineered by Caleb Rosazza and Danny Bernini
Recorded at Studio 68, Williamsburg, MA and Spirithouse Records, Northampton, MA
Mixed and Mastered by Danny Bernini at Spirithouse Records, MA

Additional engineering by Don Was, Tyler Chester, Ryan Hommel, and Jake Manzi

All songs written by Jake Manzi except “You Can’t Hear Me” which was written by Jake Manzi and Angelo Manzi

Cover photo: Olivia Barkett
Design: Jake Lerman

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